What Now Is
by kmj1989
Summary: Petunia Dursley thought November 1, 1981 would be the worst day of her life. She was wrong; November 2 was definitely worse. Companion to What Might Have Been.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I own nothing. It all belongs to the Queen.**

Chapter One

An incessant knocking is what woke me. The boys had taken to each other rather nicely, which was fantastic, but it had made bedtime a bit of a struggle. Especially since I wasn't used to putting two small children to bed. And once they were asleep, well, I finally gave in to the tears I'd fought all day. I didn't remember falling asleep, but apparently, I had. And now this wanker, whoever it was, had disturbed me, at Merlin only knew how early it was. The sky was still very dark, after all.

I only took the time to grab my wand, since one never could be too cautious in times like these. I crept down the stairs to the front door, not really sure what to do. Another knock, more of a pound, really, jolted me when I was about a foot from the door. "Petunia? Petunia, are you in there?"

That voice jolted me more than than knock had. Outrage overruling reason, I yanked the door open. "How dare you come here, of all places? Have you come to finish off the job, then? The one your master couldn't?"

"Petunia, please-" Black looked heartbroken, but I was unmoved. There was no way I would let that traitor, that murderer, get to my nephew.

"Incarcerous!" I yelled, jabbing my wand at Black. He flicked his wand, and the ropes I'd conjured disappeared. Then, taking me by complete surprise, he surged forward, grabbing my wand. He had his arms around me, holding me tightly. I struggled, slapping and striking anywhere I could, but his size and vastly greater strength made my resistance very ineffective.

"Petunia, please, I didn't do it! I swear, I would never hurt James or Lily. They were like family to me!" he pleaded with me, still holding me tightly.

"You were their Secret Keeper! Of course you did it! Who else could it have been?" I was screeching, heedless of any neighbors who might have been disturbed by it. Two loud cries, however, pulled me up shortly. "Dudley. Harry."

I pulled myself from Black, who had gone strangely slack, and ran up the stairs to my boys. They had been through enough already that I couldn't bear to put them through more, Harry in particular.

The light I'd charmed flared a bit brighter when I came into the room. I instantly scooped both boys up, hugging them to me tightly as though my arms could keep them from all that would hurt them. They calmed in my arms, though Harry kept muttering for his Mu-mah and Da. Then, he perked up. "Pa-foo!" he squealed happily.

Whirling around, I found Black in the doorway of the boys' room. "Get away from us," I threatened in a quavering voice, clutching both children to me even more tightly in terror.

"Please, Petunia, I swear, it wasn't me! We changed at the last minute, not telling anyone!" His voice was pained, like he truly was devastated by the turn of events. But I'd seen his acting before.

"Get out of here now, before I send for Dumbledore," I warned.

"Pa-foo!" Harry was insistent now, reaching for the man who was responsible for the situation we were now in.

Black took a step forward, hands outstretched to take Harry from me, but he stopped at the look on my face. "Please, Petunia, you have to believe me. I wasn't the Secret Keeper! James and Lily changed at the last minute. It wasn't me! Please, let me have Harry!"

"Pa-foo!" Harry was swiftly moving toward hysterical, and Dudley wasn't far behind. Both boys were feeling my emotions, and it scared them, as well.

"Lily told me herself that you were to be their Secret Keeper!" My fingers were no doubt digging into the boys' sides, but I couldn't let go. Not with him in the room. "Don't try to lie to me, Black! I know it was you!"

"It was supposed to be, Petunia, but we switched. At the very last minute, we switched! I thought it was the perfect bluff, because of course Voldemort would think I was the Secret Keeper. I was the obvious choice, after all. I was James' best friend, we were practically brothers, and I'm an Auror with no other attachments, unlike you. So I figured we should have someone else be the Secret Keeper, someone no one else would think could possibly be their Secret Keeper."

"So who was it, then?" I wasn't buying it, even though his story made sense. Quite a bit, in fact. But it was missing one vital part. "Who was the replacement?"

"Peter."

His simple statement pulled a laugh from my throat before I could really comprehend what he's said. "Peter Pettigrew? That poor, simple boy was Lily and James' Secret Keeper?"

"That's exactly why I suggested it, Petunia. Don't you see? It was the perfect deception. Even those who know him wouldn't think of him as a first choice. Or even a viable choice at all."

Black's words sounded so earnest, I was having a hard time fighting it. "Why didn't Lily tell me, then? I am- She was my sister." Saying it in past tense brought fresh tears, but I had to get through this before I let them out.

"Because she was trying to protect you. You and Dudley."

That was so perfectly Lily, trying to protect those she loved, even while her own life was in danger. It was like the final piece falling into place in my heart, convincing me that what Sirius had been saying was true.

All this time, Harry and Dudley were crying, Dudley burying his face into my neck, Harry continually reaching for Sirius, nearly tumbling out of my arms several times doing so. And then he did. Sirius caught him this time, cradling him gently. "Pa-foo, wan Mu-mah! Wan Da!" the little boy wailed, and the man crumpled.

"Me, too, Mischief. Me, too!" he whispered into his godson's hair, tears streaming down his face to match the little boy's. And mine.

The sight of Sirius, who'd always had a sarcastic grin and a charming comment, crying and holding onto my nephew as if the boy might disappear if he ever let go, convinced me more than ever that what he'd said was true. Every bit of what he'd told me made sense, seemed exactly like the people I loved. And, in a way, it really didn't surprise me. Lily wouldn't have told me, if she thought it would keep me and Dudley safer. Peter was so much the least obvious choice that it was almost made him into the most obvious. And Sirius was quite literally the most loyal person I'd ever met, not to mention the most vocal about hating the Dark Arts. He'd become an Auror, not to mention part of the Order of the Phoenix, to help eradicate the world of it. There was no way he had betrayed Lily and James to You-Know-Who.

There were rather a lot of tears shed before Sirius and I got both boys back to sleep. And once Dudley was asleep in my arms, I was too tired to move. Instead, I simply curled up on the floor with him in my arms, using my wand to bring a blanket for us, and one for Sirius and Harry. Our tears had exhausted us all, and we slept like the dead.

The sun streaming through the window woke me next. Since I was squinting a bit against the light, I was a bit disoriented at first, not used to sleeping on the floor of my childhood home, at least, not anymore. It took a moment to remember what had happened, and that I didn't have to hurry and get Vernon breakfast. I felt a small pang at that, but didn't regret my actions. In fact, despite the crushing loss of Lily and James, I managed to feel a little freer.

Finally opening my eyes, I first noticed the boys, cuddling up to each other, Dudley even sharing his favorite blanket with his cousin. And then I remembered Sirius.

My gaze snapped up to where he was leaning against the wall. When my eyes met his, he gave an approximation of a smile, but it didn't fool me. "Why don't we let the boys keep sleeping?" I asked in a whisper. "I think they could use it, after- after yesterday."

He nodded, getting to his feet with a grace that dancers would envy. He then came over to me, holding out his hand to me. He pulled me up, with me feeling vaguely like a lumbering elephant in comparison, then covered the boys a little better. I picked up my wand from the floor reflexively, momentarily revelling in being able to freely use magic again. Why had I ever allowed Vernon to take away something so intrinsic? Shaking my head, I banished the thought. I would have to deal with it, but not right then.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow in my direction, but I shook him off. He didn't need to know how crazy I'd been. He shrugged, then headed downstairs. He started toward the living room, but I stopped him. "Why don't I make us some tea?"

"That would be lovely," he sighed, sounding as exhausted as I felt, even after just waking up.

I made the tea in silence, neither of us really wanting to speak. But I needed to know the whole story, so, as I slid a teacup under his nose, I told him, "What happened, Sirius?"

He didn't need clarification. He simply started. "When Dumbledore told Prongs and Lily about the prophecy, he suggested they go into hiding, to keep Harry safe. The Longbottoms, as well. But for some reason, Dumbledore felt that Voldemort would choose Harry over little Neville, something about being more alike than we knew, so he suggested the Fidelius Charm."

I could see how much this was hurting him, so I tried cutting him off. "I know this already-"

"I know, I just- It's just easier to start from the beginning." Sirius pushed his hands through his fingers, wrecking its already messy state. I'd never seen him this bad, so I simply nodded and let him continue. "Dumbledore offered to be the Secret Keeper, and so did you, but Lily didn't want you and Dudley to be in danger, and I volunteered, so Dumbledore wasn't needed. It was all arranged, and I was planning on going into hiding, as well, but then I got to thinking. I was the most obvious choice. I had no other attachments to prevent me, like you did, or even Dumbledore, and I'm an Auror, so I would be more able to protect myself if someone came after me. Remus, of course, has been with the other werewolves, trying to bring them to our side for Dumbledore, so he couldn't do it. And we all knew there was a spy in our midst, and I couldn't help but think it was him. And then there was Peter. Little Peter, who couldn't even duel if his life depended on it, who couldn't lie worth shi- anything, who wasn't particularly skilled in anything. No one would suspect the Potters of choosing him to be their Secret Keeper. It was perfect! So I asked him, and he agreed. We talked to Prongs and Lily, and they agreed, after some hesitation on Lily's part. We did the spell, and Peter and I both went into hiding, though mine was far more announced than his was. Then, Friday night, I was scheduled to check up on him. He was gone." Sirius' voice broke then. He swallowed, before continuing. "I didn't see any sign of a struggle. I knew then something was wrong, so I flew to Godric's Hollow. The house was… destroyed is putting it nicely. I could see Prongs-"

I rushed around to the other side of the table to put my arms around him. He resisted for a moment, before crumpling. Through a thick voice, he managed to continue against my shoulder. "I could see James, in the entryway. He didn't even have his wand. He was defenseless. His glasses had fallen, and I couldn't bear to see him that way. I found them, and fixed them, then put them back on him. He looked just like he had in Seventh Year, when he'd fallen asleep revising for exams."

Tears were streaming down my face, falling into his hair. I knew what was coming next. "But I couldn't stop there. I hoped I'd be able to find Lily and Harry, even though it was completely illogical. I don't know how, but somehow I knew Lily would have taken Harry to the nursery, so I went upstairs. And there was Lily." I was barely aware of his words really, but against my tightly squeezed eyes, I could see it, as if he were painting a picture instead. "She was in front of cot, like she was protecting Harry to her last minute. She didn't have her wand, either, so she couldn't have Apparated out. And then, there was little Mischief, looking at his Mummy like she was playing a game. He had this gaping gash on his forehead, and it was the worst thing I'd ever seen. I scooped him up and took him out the back door, so he wouldn't have to see Prongs like that. And then I sat on the front doorstep and cried. And that's where Hagrid found us and took Mischief from me."

At some point in his story, my knees had given out on me, taking me to the ground and pulling him off the chair. His arms were around me, and mine around him, and we simply cried. I had no idea how much time passed like that, but happy laughter from upstairs eventually broke us apart. "The boys," I moaned, dragging myself away from Sirius.

"At least they're in a good mood," he said, with a faint attempt at a smile.

 **AN: I know, I know, another story. But I am going to be alternating between this one and What Might Have Been, with All Grown Up sprinkled in there. I will be posting a chapter in WMHB probably later today, or Wednesday otherwise. And I promise that I will be more consistent in my updates! Thanks to all who've read any of my stories. I love you all!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Sirius and I found the boys playing with the few toys of Dudley's I'd unpacked already. Dudley was surprisingly being quite gentle with his smaller cousin, which had never happened with any other younger child before. He wasn't mean, per se, he just didn't realize that he happened to be rather larger than others. Unfortunately, he took after his father in that regard.

Sirius walked in the room towards Harry, and both boys looked to him. Harry was instantly enthralled and demanded to be picked up, while Dudley looked on in confusion. I picked up my son and turned to my friend. "Dudley, this is Sirius. He's a friend of Mummy's. Can you say hello?"

Dudley looked at him quizzically for a moment. Harry chose that moment to break in. "Pa-foo, Ah-ie Pet," he said firmly.

Sirius chuckled briefly. "Yes, Mischief, he can call me Padfoot, too. I suppose you can share that with your cousin."

"Pa-foo, Duh," Harry repeated, looking to Dudley this time.

"Pa-foot," Dudley said, trying out the new word. "Pa-foot."

"Good job, Dudley. You are such a big boy," Sirius praised him, grinning for a small moment.

Hearing Sirius cheering on my son almost sent me into tears again. Vernon had never once shown any interest in Dudley's achievements, merely patting him on the head with a vague "Well done." And here was my old friend, who had never met my son before the night previously, admiring my son's vocabulary like it was something worthy of the Order of Merlin. It hurt to see the shocking difference.

But rather than dwell on it, and have Sirius possibly notice my discontent, I turned toward the dresser. "Why don't we get you boys changed out of those nappies, then we'll have some breakfast, hm? I think we all could use something to eat."

All three males cheered, Dudley louder than the other two combined. He loved to eat. I was almost concerned about it, but that was most definitely something to worry about another day.

Sirius helped me change the boys, showing an adeptness that surprised me. "I watched Harry quite a few times before- well, before October," he explained, a near smile lifting his lips at my querying eyebrow. "We get along rather well, don't we, Mischief?" he asked the little boy, before blowing a raspberry on his tummy. Dudley immediately turned to me, shirt lifted, demanding a raspberry, as well. Soon, shrieks of delight from both children filled the room, lifting my mood for a short while.

Breakfast was an ordeal made easier by having Sirius there. Feeding both boys by myself had been rather stressful the night before, so when he took Harry's cereal from me and began feeding him with sound effects, I nearly cried in relief. Until Dudley decided he needed the sounds, too. "I feel like you're spoiling both boys for my boring routines," I said dryly.

"That's the beauty of being the cool uncle," he smirked back at me.

Cleaning up was so much easier that it had been without magic. For the first time in his life, Dudley had a cloth wipe away the food smeared across his face without Mummy's hand behind it. And I may have made it dance unnecessarily, as well, simply because I could. My heart felt a little bit lighter to not have to hide a part of myself.

Until I caught sight of myself in the reflecting kitchen window. "Oh, Merlin," I whispered, horrified.

"What? What is it?" Sirius demanded, suddenly in front of both boys like he would protect them to the last breath.

"I am still in my pyjamas. From two nights ago." That meant that not only had Sirius seen me all morning in them, but so had Dumbledore the day before. And I hadn't brushed my teeth or hair in all that time, either.

Sirius sagged with relief. "I thought something was wrong," he sighed.

"There is! I've never spent so much time in pyjamas at one time at once! And that includes the time I had pneumonia."

He still looked like he didn't understand, but at least he was kind about it. "Why don't you go take a shower, then, and I'll watch the boys."

"Are you sure?" His offer was very tempting.

"Of course. We boys have to stick together, don't we?" he asked, looking to the boys in question, who simply giggled at him.

That was what pushed me over. And I desperately needed a shower. "Alright, but I won't take long," I caved.

"Take as long as you need," Sirius told me, smiling gently.

That shower was probably the longest I had ever taken in my life. I meant for it to be quick, I really had, but once I was under the hot water, the tears started coming again. It seemed that every memory I had of Lily and James flashed through my mind. And each one hurt more than the last.

After more than an hour under the water, I knew I had to get out. I quickly dried off, once again exulting that I could use magic again, and found clothes. I was at the top of the stairs when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it, Petunia," Sirius told me from the living room.

I had an idea of who it could have been, or at least narrowed it down to three possible people. And I was proved right when I heard Sirius say, "Selwyn."

"What are you doing here, Black? Expelliarmus!"

I ran down the stairs faster than I had even as a child, trying to keep my best friend from killing Sirius. "Nic, no! It wasn't him!" I screeched, coming around the corner to see Sirius dodging another spell.

"What?" The look on Nic's face would have been priceless, if it had been under other circumstances. My distraction allowed Sirius to disarm Nic, who then turned to glare at the other man. I was fairly certain physical violence was about to erupt, so I threw myself in between the two.

"Nic, it wasn't Sirius. I swear it. Do you really think I would allow him here with Dudley and Harry if I thought otherwise?"

Nic studied my face carefully, then subtly relaxed a bit. He held his hand out to Sirius for his wand, who looked wary still, to say the least. "I'm not going to curse you anymore, at least not until you give me another reason."

Sirius made a sound that sounded rather like a growl, but then handed over the wand in question. I ignored this exchange and hugged my friend. "How did you know I was here?"

"I didn't," he laughed. "I went to Little Whinging, and your daft excuse of a husband yelled at me when I knocked on the door, going on about how he didn't want anything more to do with my kind and if I saw you, to tell you he wants a divorce."

"Well, he's just going to have to wait. I've far too many things on my plate to worry about that," I sighed.

"I know, that's why I'm here," he said gently.

"I'm going to go check on the boys," Sirius said, obviously trying to give us some space.

But I felt bad. After all, he had watched them so I could take my hour-long shower. "Oh, you can just bring them in here, Sirius. I can take care of them."

He looked at me with a wry look. "I think I can handle watching my godson and his cousin for a bit longer. Don't worry, Petunia." He then went back to the study. "C'mon, boys. Who wants to go outside?"

I smiled briefly when I heard the resulting squeals. "Don't forget-" I started, but Sirius cut me off.

"Don't worry, Petunia, I've got their jumpers!"

After a bit of scurrying, the door to the back garden closed. And Nic was suddenly next to me again. "Now, how are you doing?"

And I burst into tears again. "She's gone, Nic! My Lily's gone! I was supposed to be there and protect her, and I wasn't there! And she's gone!"

Nic guided me toward the sofa, wrapped his arms around me, and simply held me. He smoothed my hair and whispered kind things to me, but never once told me that it would be alright. He never lied to me and said all the drivel that people tend to say when one is grieving. He merely held me and let me know that I wasn't alone.

Once I was a bit more composed, and after I had gone through five conjured tissues, I started to apologize for crying on him, but Nic cut me off. "Pet, I am your friend. There is absolutely no reason to apologize for crying because your sister died. I don't care. I don't want to see Petunia, the perfect hostess. I want Pet, my best friend, the one who helped me get through leaving my family. And I want to be there for you, just like you have always been for me."

That made me cry even more. And he just held me, rubbing my back and making shushing noises. And then, to my horror, in the midst of my sobbing, there came yet another knock at the door. "I'll see who it is," Nic assured. "Just sit tight, and I'll try to send them away."

But it was not meant to be. Once Nic opened the door, I heard a deep voice saying, "I should have known I'd be seeing you here, Mr. Selwyn."

"Of course, Sir. There's nowhere I'd rather be today," Nic said sincerely.

"Well, I came to check up on Petunia and the boys," Professor Dumbledore started. "May I come in?"

Nic looked back to me, and I nodded, getting up and going to the door, as well. "Please forgive my appearance; I'm a bit of a mess today-"

"My dear, you look lovely, as always." I flushed at the Professor's words, mostly because I knew they were entirely false. "How have you and the boys been faring?"

"Mummy! I haf wan too!" Dudley came charging in the living room, brandishing a three-inch stick. "Pa-foot gave me wan!"

Sirius came after him, carrying Harry and laughing. Then he froze when he saw who else was in the room. "Sir-"

Whatever Sirius had been about to say was cut off by his wand flying out of his hand. "Petunia, why is he here?" Dumbledore's voice, which seconds before had been warm and comforting, was now cold as ice.

"Professor, he didn't do it," I said quickly, trying to keep my friend from trouble. Again. "He wasn't the Secret Keeper. It was Pet- Pettigrew."

"Pettigrew?" Dumbledore's confusion was apparent, but he lowered his wand, at least.

"Yes, sir, we switched at the last minute. I thought it was the perfect bluff, but apparently Peter was the traitor we were trying to find," Sirius said, jaw twitching.

"Mummy, wan!" Dudley insisted, jabbing me with the small stick.

"Yes, darling, it's a lovely wand," I told him, gathering him in my arms. "You can show me your wand in a moment, but can you wait for Mummy? I need to talk to Padfoot and Dumby," I added with a smile, referring to the Professor with the name he'd been christened with the day before.

Dudley pouted, but acquiesced grumpily. "Thank you, darling," I whispered into his hair.

"So you were not the Potters' Secret Keeper," Dumbledore stated, bringing us all back to the conversation. "Why didn't you tell anyone else?"

"Partly to help keep the Potters safer, and partly because we didn't really have time," Sirius explained. "And partly because it all happened so fast. We only decided to change Secret Keepers on Wednesday, and we all went into hiding on Friday. And now, it's all over," he ended bitterly.

Harry, who'd been strangely silent for the whole exchange, decided now would be a good time to start talking again. "Pa-foo, wan Da." His words instantly sent us all into tears again.

 **AN: And here is the second chapter. And a little bit of our favorite Slytherin, which is why the last chapter of What Might Have Been had to come out first. Thanks for all the reviews/follows/favorites. They totally make my day!**


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